I hate the title character of this
movie, but allow me to set a benchmark---As slovenly and mean-spirited as Sonny
Koufax is, he is still a cut above the lout in "Shakespeare in Love".
For all of
Adam Sandler’s recent successes, he should be more intelligent about his
work, and spend his time writing better material (co-written with long-time
writing partner Tim Herlihy). If you like Adam, watch the Waterboy, Happy
Gilmore, or The Wedding Singer, faves of mine.
Then
again it may be that Sandler, as a person, as a star, as a screenwriter, cannot
distinguish the levels of malice apparent in this go-nowhere, do nothing
exercise in personal excess and selfishness. Let us hope he can...
One
lousy excuse after another gives "Big Daddy" the "right" to
abuse people, slack off, be mean and nasty in general, and take advantage of
whomever, wherever.
He
screams, berates, belittles, shames, deceives, condescends and generally
mentally treats the Kid (and others) like a taken-for-granted college chum,
instead of a child who needs him and needs love. When the Kid wets the bed, he
puts newspaper on it, and trying to go back to sleep, screams at the Kid for
rustling the papers. When he lets the Kid gorge himself, and the Kid throws up,
he shames him, and puts newspaper on it. When the Kid has to pee every five
minutes, he shames him. He should put newspapers on his ability to
relate.
Koufax is a
vengeful brat, whose frank idea of retribution is to mount a pissing war
against people who have facilities "for customers only". Which they
make into a running joke played on otherwise innocent people.
The
film seems funny in parts, and I laughed in spots, but all in all, it ages
badly, and as much venom as I felt after seeing it, I feel more today. I
probably will watch smatterings of it on TV from time to time, but this speaks
volumes for the ills of society, when the people trying to do good and right
are set up as villains merely for doing their job.
Whatever
happened to the good old Ghostbusters Bureaucrat, (you know, the same guy that
played the TV Reporter in the Die Hard films)? Now there was a real
prick. One you could hate and justify hating for all time.
Not
so in Big Daddy. Koufax pits himself meaninglessly against all others,
for no reason, and the abuse he shells out in the McDonald's (as seen in
previews) is just one small part of it.
How
I wish someone, anyone at all in the film, would have simply stood up to that
reeking smartass and put him in his place.
But
no one does.
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This is all
well and good, and survivable, up to the moment Koufax throws a stick beneath
an innocent rollerblader, causing him to go headfirst into the lake. It was not
even an act of retribution, just a random act of violence. A million ways it
could have been done accidentally, and even given the kid a lesson in kindness
to others, or in being careful. Instead, it amuses the kid to see others hurt,
so they go for it, over and over. Leading up to a broken arm on another little
kid in the kindergarten class. Not funny.
I
wonder if it was just deference to the star power of Sandler, that no one could
say squat to him on camera. Dennis Dugan directed, and after all of his work in
TV and film, you'd think he could at least look at the film’s values and
go "this is wrong-headed." Koufax actually breaks into Dugan’s
house and robs him (playing a bit part) on a trick-or-treat night just because
Dugan does not want to give the kid anything. Oh yeah. that’s funny.
Coercing the guy for not being a cordial treater. Whatever magic makes them
think this is justifiable behavior for a movie "hero" is powerful
stuff indeed.
And
ultimately, what is the "reason" for Koufax’s inexcusable
behavior? Awwww. His Daddy treated him badly…Yeah. By giving him
everything except a sense of direction and purpose. And a big court scene puts
all of this behavior on trial. Koufax is exposed as a lying, cheating,
untrustworthy son, who neglected family responsibilities for the pure hell of
it. And he has his Dad cross examine him, because that is the one person who
knows he should not be a Dad.
And
Koufax somehow thinks this is going to make it all right because he can now say
"I love You" to the old "most respected Lawyer in Florida?"
Hey, jackass, it's not about love, it's about capability, of which love is a
necessary part. But love does not make up for the rest as a compelling reason
to be given custody of a kid.
To
top it all off, there is a supposedly "normal" gay couple in the
film, I guess out just in time for the annual World Gay Pride Celebration. And
what a way for gay people to celebrate! Acting as comic relief, their purpose
is to flaunt their "love" for each other and give Koufax a PC
platform to preach to others about acceptance. It is as phony as it is
cliched.
Five
minutes into the show, they are lip-locked, kissing each other bye-bye at a
party. It was handled very poorly, and obviously stuck in merely for
humor/shock effect.
Their
shining moment is to show off their affection/romance in front of the social
worker, while they are baby-sitting the kid. And are they so oblivious and
carefree in NYC that they would show open affection in front of a stranger at
the door of a straight friend's apartment, especially when they are watching a
kid and the friend is not home?? Gee, is everybody so dauntingly recklessly
in-the-face in NYC? Or is it more selfishness and disregard for others that I
am detecting?
So
are people supposed to think that the social worker thinks it is supposed to be
bad for the kid to be baby-sat by homosexuals, or what? Is that what the
producers think? Undoubtedly not. Is it that Koufax is being irresponsible by
having the gay guys baby-sit? Maybe that is what they think is funny. What is
the point?
They
miss the comic potential by leaving it merely that gays guys are baby-sitting,
not that they are baby-sitting in any particular way. Go after audience
expectations, show them something new, confound them with surprising situations
and attitudes, but don't pander to their prejudices and call it funny.
Much
funnier if the guys tried to upgrade the Kid’s cultural position by having
him wear Polo shirts, or a nice evening jacket, dine on truffles, and listen to
opera. Or is that recruiting? There is comic potential there, too!
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Edgy Aside
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"Some Things Taught By Sonny Koufax
in the Name Of Parenting"
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Oh,
here’s something funny.
I
do not remember Koufax teaching the kid to say his prayers at
night.
However, Koufax does teach him
to
- trip people
- be invisible
- spit and pull it back
in
- wear freaky outfits
- piss all over people’s
places of business
- go to bars
- put newspaper on
- cheat at cards
- help him victimize/mash
women
- lie
- cheat grocery stores by
denting cans,
- tie his shoes
- "express" himself
freely (he's five)
but not right from wrong,
and not to pray.
I suppose the Kid should have
taught Koufax how to pray.
And how to treat people.
That would have been poignant.
Awwwwwww, for real.
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But any of
that would have been funny, besides pissing off Big Daddy, who is trying to
teach the kid to be a slob.
Funnier,
too, if against expectations the social worker had been relieved that
gay guys were raising the kid in an aura of intellect and wealth,
opposed to the slovenliness of Koufax. No, that would have taken perception,
and work.
A
bathroom scene where the gay guys make a "straight" friend of theirs
nervous is ugly and pointless. It did get the audience to laugh though, while
reinforcing the idea that gay guys come on to you in the bathroom. Oh, aw hah
hah hah.
Much
funnier if the gay guys got nervous about the straight guy looking at them and
they moved. (And what is all of this pissing in the movie about, anyway?
Are they having a contest?)
Furthermore,
these guys, like everyone else in the film, are totally submissive to Koufax,
who supposedly knows more about the law and how to practice than anybody in the
city.
As
if. You don't stay up on the law by squandering your talent for two years
hiding out in a tollbooth. It takes work. And if you have that kind of genius,
you don't waste it laying around, especially if you are as angry, greedy, and
lazy as Koufax. You get a cushy job and squander that.
What
he really knows how to do is punish people that do not submit to him,
especially women. Oh, aw hah hah hah. With a friend like that, who needs social
justice?
If
you think I am just angry at the way they treated the gay people in the film,
in truth I could have spent pages going off on
- the lack of love the
kid is getting (indulgence is not love),
- the ludicrous court scene and
Koufax's manipulation of the legal system,
- the endless mistreatment of
women, including the non-stop litany of unfunny Hooters jokes and his finding
fun in the misery of women that were tired of putting up with his incessant
crap.
- his not dealing with the death of
the child's mother, or helping him deal with the obvious abandonment issues and
coming to terms with permanent loss at such an early age.
- Koufax's rages, slamming phones
down, threatening people, etc.
- the sappy ending that shows that
all of what went on is ok, because now he is a working lawyer, and married, and
has a kid of his own.
- the idea that a single dad cannot
raise a kid, he needs a wife to do it right.
- his obesessive need to ruin
things for other people.
- And rubbing the failure of others
into their faces.
It is
true that I am angry. How could I watch that angry SOB for two hours and
not be angry?
Sigh.
It
was the way he treated the kid, more than anything that made me hate this film.
When you see it, imagine someone treating your child or friend's child that
way. I hope you will see what I mean.
Bright
spots in the movie?
- Rob
Schneider, fresh from the bayou in Waterboy, does a turn as a foreign deli
delivery guy. He, unlike Sandler, is reserved, funny, and generally on-target.
He is probably offensive as a stereotyped qwiki-food employee, but he does not
show off, smirk, smarm or otherwise do the bad-SNL-ex-comic thing. He has a
future, if he stays steady.
-
Steve Buscemi. He’s not misfired in his last ten films or so. Waiting for
ConAir 2.
- And
finally, The little Kid in this P.O.S., Julian, was played beautifully by
twins, Cole and Dylan Sprouse. They have an awwwwwww factor of about 16,000.
The teen girls in front of us went awwwwwww every time Julian did some cute-kid
thing. Like pee. Or throw up. Or spill milk. Or just about any other damned
thing. They did a great job. Sad that they used them so mercilessly. But
that’s what "edgy" people do, right?
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