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Battlefield Earth "
It is The paper says: "Rocky, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Flash Gordon and Battlestar Galactica all rolled into one – and then some." "...Battlefield Earth is vintage hard science fiction, done by a master storyteller." Buffalo Evening News, NY



With an effusive review like that from the Buffalo Evening News how could this go wrong??? Here is how. I think they took the parts from each that didn't work all that well and rolled it into BE...
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Five possible. It gets two stars for being watchable, and is nowhere near as hideously bad as "First Knight", for example.
     Written by first time scribe Corey Mandell and helmed by Roger Christian, set director for Star Wars (1977), this flick is embarrassing. It is a good bit more watchable than Viva Rock Vegas however, if less sophisticated.

     But some credit for Rock Vegas, it is at least demonstrably for kids. BE is presumably for grups. (That's grown-ups, for you trekkie deficient ones.)

     Travolta, the Scientology-touting angel-playing face-offed villain we all love is over the top here. Over the top, out of the space, inna you face.


     Standing eight or nine feet tall, he swaggers around lifting people in darth-grips, smarmily getting leverage over the weaker and less offensive, and sublimating sublimating sublimating. Or whatever it is aliens do.

     You could spend all day wondering about why they made this, who wrote it, why it is so lame, and so juvenile, but it won't make you like it or hate it any more than you do. It is not about quality, it is about two hours.

     It is like this is all the missing sci-fi stuff from Dune, wrapped in a Zero's style techno cynicism. (Zero's is for the two zeros on 2000 - can't say nineties no mo.)

     Oh yeah, and lest we ever forget, the big big big big big villain here, even bigger than Travolta is Corporate Greed. This intangible is very popular today, and apparently is the only thing standing between noble and virtuous youth and SOCIAL JUSTICE.


     And imagine a soundtrack so deafening it is painful, and you have to ask the management TWICE to turn it down.


     I suppose the closest thing to this film is: Imagine an amalgam only of Planet of the Apes and Battlestar Galactica.

     Now get that image out of your head.
Amusing Side-bar
Thing to Know in Denver:

1. Ape man learn to fly harrier...

2. Even though aliens took over so long ago people can't remember them, there is still a squadron of flyable harriers at the air base. And the base has power.

3. For some reason these were not used/destroyed in the war against the aliens. No explanation.

4. There was no worldwide blanket of radiation form fighting the aliens - were no nukes used?

5. A nuke is used to settle the hash of the aliens. (I thought nukes were supposed to be BAD things...)

6. Fort Knox is untouched. Would not the aliens scarf up our goods first and then scour the land?

7. Radiation ignites a planet's atmosphere, then the whole thing blows to tiny bits. Cool enough, but every planet is bombarded on a daily basis with high intensity radiation from space - naturally. I'd think the planet could not have evolved to that fragile state.

8. Once the aliens teach the man-animal how to learn, they let it do so unsupervised. And of course the first thing it finds is a recipe for kicking the alien's ass.

9. The aliens do not ask why the man-animals are capable of smelting the gold ore into nice bars, even though they comment on it.

10. Once you learn advanced math you can teach the basics to any horde of barbarians in a few nights.

11. If you get bored with the action, introduce a long tongued lady to spice things up and take care of sticky plot points.

12. If you are a man-animal, the best way to show your indignation towards an alien is to shout oooh-ooooh in your best ape imitation, and jump around the campfire while doing so.

13. Any nuclear device in the world can be set off if you take the cover off and adjust a few things, especially if you have no prior experience.

14. Living in a radiation zone might keep the aliens from visiting, but it does not seem to sterilize the inhabitants or cause any other problems, even though they think it might not be good for them in the long run.

15. Whenever you get ready to kick alien ass, cut your hair.
Amusing, isn't it?

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