Please distribute this URL as you see fit. By Ted Baldwin
Amusing, isn't it?
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Wes Craven's Dracula 2000"

SPOILERS!!
Flying heads!
Neck biting!
BEWARE!
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Five possible.
.     There is no end to the imagination of the human mind.
     And how could you miss with the following ingredients -
  1. Vampires
  2. Vampire Hunters
  3. Skull walls in a catacomb
  4. TV Reporter Vampires
  5. Easy access to underground river from high security vault
  6. Computer hacker security stuff like in Die Hard 12 years ago only not as good
  7. An explosion
  8. Exploding glass gas grenade
  9. Plastic Wire tie handcuffs
  10. Sexy Vampires
  11. Eternal Life
  12. Leeches
  13. Metal flinging Crossbow (never used)
  14. Chessboard leech chamber
  15. Easy access to underground river from high security vault
  16. Cool hidden arms closet
  17. Startling dreams a half a world away
  18. Echoey voices
  19. Sacred Jewel Encrusted Cross-daggers
  20. A Virgin (record store)
  21. Bewildered Hunks
  22. Safecrackers
  23. Airplane Crash (off screen)
  24. Mardis Gras in New Orleans (on screen)
  25. Easy to find Mardis Gras Parking
  26. Mardis Gras confined to French Quarter
  27. Blood-sucking coffin
  28. Religious stuff
  29. Young priests
  30. Catholic stuff
  31. Booby-trapped grave
  32. Lafayette Cemetery at night, in fog
  33. Silver bullets, unending supply
  34. Mirrors
  35. Aramaic writing which blood relatives can read
  36. Neat and tidy ending
  37. Incest, vampire style
  38. Heads flying around due to decapitation
  39. Eerie long corridors with open windows and red drapes flying in breeze
  40. Five dead air-ship passengers
  41. Five dead air-ship passengers in a school auditorium
  42. Body bags
  43. Twenty foot electric Jesus on a cross with red neon accent
  44. Convertible weapons
  45. Eerie parking
  46. Every place in N.O. within convenient walking distance of every other place.
  47. Levitation during sex
  48. Levitation without sex
  49. A "Good" vampire
  50. Life-extending Dracula blood filtered by aforementioned leeches
  51. No "vampire" leeches, just ordinary kind - hey how come they don't get weird from the blood
  52. Hyde from that 70's show, several other TV stars, My Living Borg.
  53. Insects
  54. Mardis Gras Revelers
  55. Jackson Square Cathedral which is not used as a sacred place in the movie.
  56. Snazzy black clothes for Dracula
  57. Goofy roommate who gets them all in trouble
  58. Sunburn
  59. Hangings
  60. Knifings
  61. Shootings
  62. Bitings
  63. Clawings
  64. More Bitings
  65. Bad news stand-up
  66. No reflection
  67. ...No reflection.

After all of that, it was watchable, somehow. Some creepy moments, but pretty direct, overall. This would have kicked royal ass in the '70's.

Oh well.

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